If you are in a serious relationship, you and your partner might be talking about getting married. How does it make you feel, when you think about marriage? Committing your heart to another person is a life-changing decision. Choosing poorly could cause years of suffering, heartache and eventual divorce. But when you choose wisely, and with an open mind about what you are choosing, you can enjoy a lifetime together of passion and love.
Sadly, many couples rush into marriage just as they are testing the first signs of romance and love. They may have dated for only a few months, but are convinced theirs is a perfect match made in heaven. By contrast, some couples date for many years but can’t find the courage to make commitment to marriage. They’re so dread marrying the wrong person that they actually never marry.
In the midst of these extremes, is it possible to make the right decision? Ask each other the right questions.
Why Do We Want To Get Married?
Before you ask any other questions, you need to ask and answer this one. Why should it be your first question? People get married for the wrong reasons all the time. They’re tired of being single. They’re the only one of their friends who isn’t married. Some take the plunge just to please relatives and friends.
The only good answer to “Why do want to get married?” is you love each other and want to spend a lifetime together.
Have We Been Together Long Enough?
Even when you know your feelings are real, rushing into a marriage is never a good idea. Think about your last serious relationship. How long ago did it end? If your answer makes you cringe a bit, you might be rushing to the altar on a rebound.
It’s easy to think you’ve found your perfect partner after several months of dating. In reality though, you may not yet know that person very well. You’re in love and everything seems perfect. Every couple is unique, but waiting at least 8 months is advised to be sure you know everything about your partner, even if you were friends for many years before.
How Do We Solve Conflicts?
There are couples that peacefully go through dating, marry each other and then get a surprise with their first fight. They don’t want to believe that even people who love each other get mad at each other. Conflict is a part of life, but it can destroy a couple that hasn’t learned how to peacefully navigate it.
Not everything has to be your way. Learn to compromise and agree to disagree when necessary. Learn how to listen. Understand that doing things “our” ways almost always better than doing things “my” way.
Have We Gone Through Difficulties Together?
Knowing all sides of your partner means seeing the best and worst of him or her. The beginning of the relationship is usually the happiest time, and you may believe that the two of you are invincible to problems. You’re wrong. The truth is, every couple has to go through tough times, and you deserve to know how you’ll overcome those tough times, together, as a team. When things get tough, you may not like the way your partner deals with those tough times. It’s better to be aware of this before you get married, and learn how to deal with them in a way that doesn’t cause more or lingering conflict.
What About Exes And Children From Former Relationships?
It’s true that a new marriage is a fresh start, but you may have to blend several families together. This means thinking about other family members, like children of the ex and how you get along with them. Many of us like to think that we’re marrying an individual, but we’re actually starting relationships with all the people your partner loves, too. If your partner has children with an ex, you will have to interact with that person, whether you like each other or not. It’s better for everyone if the relationships you’re bringing into your new life are healthy.
Are Our Finances An Issue?
In the economic world, it’s a good idea to discuss your current financial situation, and how it will fit before you enter into a marriage. Are you or your partner in debt? Who can make more money? Can one partner support the other if he or she loses a job? If yes, how will that affect the money you can be putting aside for your children or other reasons? It’s recommended to ask all these questions at the beginning of a relationship, and take time to find solutions before you go further.
Who Will Change Diapers?
If you’re talking about having kids together, it’s far better to be honest about the details than to tell your partner what he or she may want to hear. According to relationship coaches, couples should discuss whether or not they really want children. How many kids and when? And how do they see themselves as parents? Talking about birth-control methods is also necessary before getting pregnant.
Are Religion And Religious Holidays Important?
If you and your partner come from different religious backgrounds and believe in different things, will you each follow your own religious affiliation? Encourage an honest discussion about this question. What’s more, you may also have to experience the religious conflict over different traditions when your children grow up. If you and your partner decide to have kids, you must discuss how you will educate them about religion. It’s always better to develop a plan.
Sure, there are so many questions you can ask your partner before the wedding to ensure a perfect fit, but let’s be honest, most just don’t do it. The questions above, sometimes awkward and intimate, are developed to spark sincere discussions and give a couple the chance to unveil secrets before it’s too late.